


Day 4 - Truth

by ReaderRose



Series: 30 Days of Writing [4]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: 30 Days of Writing, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Character Study, Depression, Gen, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Introspection, Pre-Canon, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 07:19:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13875939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReaderRose/pseuds/ReaderRose
Summary: Alphys knows she should tell the truth.Alphys cannot tell the truth.





	Day 4 - Truth

**Author's Note:**

> I had something different planned but the angst flowed much better than I was expecting and I wasn't feeling up to much else today.

Alphys knows what the right thing is. It's clear as day and totally obvious. Still, she doesn't know what to do.

She's made a mess, and she's in too deep, and she just… she knows what she needs to do. She just can't do it. And she can't do anything instead.

Every thought drifts back to the basement. It keeps her up at night, so she doesn't sleep, and that's fine because she never slept at night before anyway. She can joke and pretend it's just staying up late watching anime and reading manga and blowing off work again. Silly old Alphys and her human media. So bad at her job.

 

It's better than the truth. It makes her likable. No one could ever like her if they knew the truth. No one could ever respect her, look her in the eye… but she deserves that, doesn't she?

It would be easier for everyone to find out on their own, when they open the labs, and she's not there anymore. And it seems like the best solution to her, more and more. They get the truth, and she doesn't have to handle the fallout.

It would be the easiest way. The best way. The everyone-gets-what-they-want way. She hasn't figured out if she's a coward for wanting that, or a coward for not doing it. 

 

She watches anime instead, and tries to avoid the thoughts entirely. It's the only thing keeping her going, sometimes, and she knows that's pathetic. 

 

She decides to do something. Then she doesn't do it.

She decides to do something. Then she can't do it.

She decides to do something. The world is spinning and she's on the floor sobbing and everything is just too much.

She decides to do something. Asgore calls her about teacups.

She decides to do something. Then she remembers how they'll all look at her, and she doesn't get out of bed.

She decides to do something. But she still needs to finish Mettaton’s body.

She decides to do something, but her feet won't move and she's frozen at her desk, staring at the pile of letters she cannot process out how to open.

She decides to do something. She meets someone beautiful and strong and incredible, and she talks her off of the edge, whether she realizes it or not, and they have one of the best days ever, and it's amazing.

Because Undyne is more alive than any monster Alphys has ever met, brighter than the sun, and she doesn't want to stop basking in her glow, no matter how little she deserves it, and making a choice (any choice, either choice) becomes so much harder.

She can't bring herself to do anything.

 

So she just… waits. She didn't know what she's waiting for. Something to push her, or someone to save her, or…

She imagines them breaking down the doors, or she imagines the amalgamates fighting back, finally realizing the depths of what she's damned them to. She imagines Undyne arresting her in disgust. She imagines Asgore turning the rage that was once directed at humanity for the deaths of his children, and directing it at her. She imagines Mettaton’s voice over the radio, laughing as he tells the story of the scientist who got in too deep and thought she could get away with it.

She imagines things that keep her up at night and keep her paralyzed, but even that is not the nightmare scenario.

The nightmare is nothing ever happens. It just keeps building up. The letters keep coming and the phones keep ringing and she keeps imagining her future over and over and over again, and it all just weighs down on her, forever.

And no matter what she does, she can never tell the truth. 


End file.
